


Clean slate

by orphan_account



Category: The Terror (TV)
Genre: Angst, Awkward reunions, Disability, I wish the ao3 tags would stop reminding me that JFJ died so damn young, In more ways than one, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Not everyone dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:28:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26867389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After their return to England Francis and James part ways until they don’t.
Relationships: James Fitzjames/Francis Crozier
Kudos: 3





	Clean slate

Love.  
It’s the only thing he is certain of anymore - that he loves Francis. That he has done so irrevocably from the beginning.

When he was closer to death than to life he was sure that Francis had uttered the words to confirm he felt the same.  
Now he isn’t so sure anymore, just as he isn’t sure if he will miss the next step before him.   
He can barely make out the proper outline of his own apartment anymore and yet he will not call anyone for help whenever he misses a couple of stairs or the doorframe completely.   
James knows he does not have to suffer in silence but there is a part that refuses to call out for assistance if it is not his first in command who will come running across the deck to catch him.

And then there’s the long awaited knock on the door.  
Francis.   
His Francis.

James‘ drowns in him the second he lays eyes on him.   
Francis looks like life itself, eyes sharp, posture immaculate and he’s dressed himself in beautiful floral patterns.   
The way he feels in James‘ arms when he pulls him into an unexpected hug, the way James‘ name rolls off his tongue - it’s all too much. 

They don’t speak much at all until Francis has gone out of his way to make sure James does not take up any of his duties as the host.   
Instead he insists on helping James into an armchair and serving the tea.

„It’s been a while James.“  
„Well you’re the one who moved up to Scarborough.“, there’s a lump in his throat.

„Must I remind you that you left London first to retire?“  
It’s a goodnatured quip but James can only bite back something welling up in his chest.  
This isn’t what he’s supposed to feel - not while Francis himself is next to him.

It is one thing to imagine screaming at him that London would‘ve killed him had he not left but he cannot allow himself to want that when the man is actually in his lodgings.

„I am just still surprised by your choice.“, James clears his throat. „That is all.“

„I just need to be by the sea...“, Francis does not get to finish his sentence.  
„Brighton is by the seaside too, you know that as well as I do.“, his tone is full of accusations and he cannot stand himself for it.

„Are you asking me to come live with you James?“

He swallows hard, it’s not like he hasn’t had this conversation with Francis before. But then again that had been long before they had reached England.

„I am.“

„James before I can agree to that I must ask what your intentions are. It is not something I do not want...“, Francis voice gets unbearably soft. „Your last few letters have been a bit unclear.“

And then he smiles in a way that leaves James reasured. It lets him forget the cold feeling the past hours left in his chest.

He breathes in. 

And out.

Then he lets his hand find Francis‘ collar, just below where he can feel the heat of his skin radiating against his fingertips.  
But before he can attempt to close the distance Francis lets out a noise, almost to soft to be heard.

„Oh.“

The cold feeling, freezing him from within is back within seconds and he pulls his hand back into as if Francis‘ skin had singed him.

Before he can get up Francis grabs his hand and squeezes it once then let’s it drop back into James‘ lap.

„It’ll pass.“, is all he offers.

**Author's Note:**

> Uh what can I say except that I personally consider this a terrible au, that is more of a coping mechanism than anything else?   
> It definitively is taking the most cursed path from what their relationship in canon was.


End file.
